WHY PRESENCE MATTERS

How Do You Know If It's A Lesson For You - Or Just For You?

Let me ask you something.

Why be present? Why stay in the now? Why bother just being in your life versus living it with a podcast in your ear and your brain three steps ahead of where you actually are?

I read Eckhart Tolle. I meditated on presence. I understood it in the abstract - don't be distracted, stay in the moment, blah blah blah. But I didn't really understand why. I mean, what if the now is boring? What if the now is mundane? What if the now is a pile of someone else's boxes in an apartment that needs to be cleared out by the end of the month?

Here's what Spirit showed me about why.

Because Spirit doesn't shout. Spirit whispers. And if you're not present - if you're somewhere else in your head, managing, planning, fixing, running on the buzz of finally doing the thing - you will miss it entirely.

The chaos around you, the crisis, the mundane Tuesday afternoon - those are sometimes the hammer. The loud thing that says hey, pay attention. But what Spirit is actually saying is underneath that. Quiet. Specific. Personal. Like, WHY is Tuesday afternoon so mundane? What in this chaos is FOR ME? Not for them. Not for the situation. For you. Because you are the star of your own story and Spirit will tell you exactly what that is. If you're present enough to hear it.

Most of us aren't. Most of us are too busy fixing it.

I know this because of last Saturday. And I'm going to be honest enough to tell you the part where I knew I was wrong while I was doing it and did it anyway.

The Pattern I Noticed

When Jimmy's mom Jeannie was dying, I watched Jimmy do something that is both one of his most beautiful qualities and one of the hardest things to witness. He refused to take over. He wanted his mom to have her autonomy. To make her own choices. To be a person until she wasn't anymore.

Even when her mental capacity was failing. Even when the decisions were hard. Even when someone probably needed to step in and say the thing nobody wanted to say.

I remember asking Spirit - if I'm supposed to step in, make that door so open I know it's you and not me creating the space. And Spirit did. Days before she died, the door opened so wide I couldn't miss it. I stepped through and said some things to the doctors that were too hard for Jimmy and his brother to say. Not my decisions. Just my voice when theirs couldn't find the words.

That was Spirit opening the door.

Fast forward one month.

Now it's Jimmy's dad Jim. Same pattern. Jim's memory and mental facilities are failing. Decisions are changing daily. What he wants today contradicts what he wanted yesterday. And Jimmy - beautiful, loyal, devoted Jimmy - is doing the same thing he did with his mom. Letting his dad lead. Even when the leading is creating harder circumstances for everyone around them. And when Jimmy gets overwhelmed he freezes. Worry. Anxiety. Inaction. More worry about the inaction. It is a loop I know well and it is painful to watch in someone you love.

We have until the end of the month to move everything out of Jim's apartment or pay another month's rent on top of his assisted living costs. Jim is already spending more than he brings in every month. The clock is ticking and nothing is moving.

The Morning I Took Over

Saturday morning I got out of bed before 8am with a plan.

I'm going to get this mother fucker done.

Get Out of My Way! A woman on a mission.

I came downstairs and I was IN it. Called Jim's sister Aunt Deb to confirm space to store his things. Called Jim to ask what he wanted kept at his new place. Reserved a rental moving truck. Told Jimmy what boxes we needed. Organized the family for loading and unloading. I had the whole thing mapped out before most people had their first cup of coffee.

And here's the thing — it felt incredible.

I even texted my spirit friends and said, I'm jumping in! I can see the freedom I want on the other side of this.

And I want you to pay attention to that sentence. Because that sentence is the tell.

I knew I was off kilter. I knew it because of how good it felt. I even joked to my friends - I'll probably break my body doing this - and laughed it off. But I knew. I knew I was running on ego and momentum and the intoxicating feeling of finally making something happen.

I didn't ask Spirit to open the door. I kicked it down myself.

When Spirit opens the door it feels like relief. Like oh, there it is. Quiet and clear.

This felt like FINALLY I AM DOING THE THING. Loud. Charged. Buzzing.

That buzz? That was the tell... FOR ME.

And Then It All Went Sideways

We packed for a few hours and then ran out of steam. Jimmy and I went home. His brother Nick and sister in law Jane went to the apartment to keep working. Jimmy wanted to go back and meet them - moving now, motivated, doing things - and I noticed even in that moment that his movement was because I had done all the things. My energy had pulled him into motion.

Ego. Ego. Ego. I didn't see it clearly in the moment but I felt it.

While they were at the apartment Jimmy called Jim to go over everything one more time. To make sure he understood. To honor what his dad actually wanted.

And it all fell apart.

Jim doesn't want his things in the family barn. He wants a proper storage unit or his sister's basement. Everything I had arranged that morning - gone. We were right back where we started. Undecided. In motion around the edges but not at the center.

Jane texted me from the apartment. Plans are changing.

And I felt it land. Mel. All of that this morning was for YOU to see. Stay the fuck out.

The Part Where I Was Still Human Anyway

I want to be clear - knowing you're wrong doesn't automatically make you act right.

I still got worked up. I still had opinions about what should happen. Jimmy and I still had disagreements that evening about what needed to be done. I knew I was in the wrong and I still couldn't fully stop myself from being in it.

Because do you know how hard it is to watch the person you love most in the world suffer - anxious, frozen, overwhelmed - and not step in to make it better?

I'm still a human. That hasn't changed.

But later that night, while Jimmy was dozing, I turned off the show we were watching and went to Spirit. I asked for the bigger picture. I asked what this was actually for.

And here's what they said:

Let them. Let them. Let them.

And then this - which stopped me completely:

Free is now. Free isn't later or after or through. Free is now. Be free. Live free. Only follow.

The Actual Thing You Want Is Already Available

The lesson that stings isn't punishment. It's redirection.

For me on Saturday, the actual thing I want is freedom. Not freedom after the apartment is cleared out. Not freedom once Jim's situation is resolved. Not freedom once Jimmy stops worrying.

Freedom now. Right here. Inside the mess and the uncertainty and the undecided.

Jimmy's lesson is his. Jim's situation is theirs to navigate. My job isn't to fix it, move it faster, or make it easier on everyone. My job is to be free right now - to follow when asked, to step back when not, and to stop mistaking the buzz of taking over for the quiet of actually being guided.

The buzz feels like freedom. It isn't.

Let them. Let them. Let them.

That's the door Spirit actually opened. The one I almost missed because I was too busy kicking down the other one.