The Only Job I Have Is Me!

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'm actually here to do.

For years, I thought my job was to help people. Fix things. Save my family financially. Support everyone emotionally. Use my spiritual gifts to guide people toward their healing. Be useful. Be needed. Be the one who could see what others couldn't and help them get there.

And you know what happened? None of them got better. Not from all my trying. I just became more and more exhausted and sometimes, with all my trying I fucked more shit up!

I've given readings to people with the clearest messages Spirit could offer, and they didn't get it. Or didn't use the information. Or weren't ready. Because here's the truth I'm finally understanding: People come to themselves when they're ready. If they're ready. I could tell everyone all the things, and it won't make a bit of difference unless they're ready to hear it.

So mostly, all that trying was just... me trying... is this a worthiness issue? Maybe.

And I don't want to try anymore.

I don't even really care about making Soul Echo into something big. I barely care at all. My life is fine and getting better and better without me forcing anything to happen. I don't even know if I really WANT it to be all that it could be, because that sounds like so much work.

I just want to do whatever. Or not much. Or nothing sometimes.

And really... who cares?

My only job is me.

Not in a selfish way. Not in an "I don't care about anyone" way. But in a "I'm not responsible for fixing, saving, healing, or managing anyone else" way.

My only job is to listen to my body. When I feel pain, I make a change. My only job is to honor my own rhythms - rest when I need rest, move when I want to move, speak when truth wants to be spoken. My only job is to do what brings me alive, not what I think I "should" be doing.

Here's what I've learned that spirits can't do: They can't FEEL.

This morning when the wind was so cold on my face, I remembered to turn my face INTO it and FEEL it. Yesterday when it was misting, I opened the moonroof of my car to let it come in. The pain in my shoulder? Spirits can't feel that either.

I wanted to come here for this nonsense. I'm here. So I might as well just enjoy it. Or at least when I don't enjoy it, realize it's what I wanted - or at least the larger part of me did. It's here FOR me.

We came to this life to experience being human. Not to transcend it. Not to manifest our way out of difficulty. Not to help everyone else at the expense of ourselves. We came here to feel cold wind and warm sun and grief and joy and shoulder pain and the relief of finally letting go of trying to save people who aren't asking to be saved.

My daughter-in-law's grandma just passed. I'm going to her funeral because I really did love that old lady. She was bomb. But I'm not sad. I'm glad she's with her husband who was waiting for her. She's truly at peace. How exciting is that?

I'm ready for all the old people in my life to die, honestly. I'm ready to move on without them. I'm also ready for them to find the peace they haven't come to in this lifetime. I've been carrying their dying for years, trying to help, trying to fix, trying to make it better. I wonder if when my own mom dies if I'll even feel sadness. Maybe I won't. And that's okay too.

I've been broken from so much, from all those years of trying to be the helper. But I'm not broken anymore. I'm just... done trying.

And in that space of not trying, I'm finding something I never expected: freedom.

Freedom to just be here. To feel what I feel. To do what I want or do nothing at all. To let Soul Echo be whatever it wants to be without me forcing it. To let people find me if they're ready, and let them go if they're not.

My only job is me. Keeping myself out of physical pain. Honoring what my body tells me. Feeling the cold wind on my face and both, not liking it because it's so damn cold and LOVING it because I can feel it's so damn cold!

That's it. That's the whole thing.

And it turns out, that's more than enough.

Mel